This is a short story that I wrote. It comes straight from the heart, and hits a little on a personal level too. I hope that you enjoy it.
One boy was born late in the evening of December 22, 1965. The Winter’s Solstice. His twin was born only a few minutes after him. It was an untimely arrival for both the parents, especially considering that there was no idea they had two inside and that the due date wasn’t until mid February. The Mom, a petite little framed beauty came to only five feet tall and before the pregnancy only 98 pounds. The Dad, a strapping six feet four, with dark hair, dark skin and dark eyes. They had been on their way to meet the band and get in the every other day practice they needed before the weekend shows. Mom was traumatized by the effects of the evening, and so the on call physician had her put on a mild sedative to help calm her nerves. He was a doctor who had traveled here from India to practice his profession in Northern California. 08172011
Both boys were premature and under weight. One was bluer in color than the other. It was the second one born. His name was Dylan. The first born was named Logan. Logan weighed in at 2 lbs 8 oz. Dylan weighed in at 2lbs 2 oz. The doctor and nurses were keeping a close watch on the two babies and developed a schedule to do so around the clock. Logan stopped breathing twice and Doctor Chandra was seriously considering open heart surgery on him. In this day in age it was unheard of. He was convinced that Logan needed cardiopulmonary bypass for correction of some congenital heart defect. The other doctors were more worried about mortality or a bad neurological outcome. “Are you out of your mind man?” The Senior Doctor asked Doctor Chandra. They took a vote and all agreed not to take that risk. “We decided to see what happens on their own in the incubator naturally.” 08172011
Dylan wasn’t able to keep food down. He was vomiting everything up. The nurses were trying frantically to figure out a way to provide nutrient and foods into him with out causing him any discomfort. The nurses were hurdled in their receptions area, trying to figure out a better way to help Dylan. One of the attending nurses came in crying and said “We’re too late we just lost him.” “What!?” They all went into The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, and there was tiny little Dylan, blue in color and lifeless. Doctor Chandra was now faced with the job of telling the family. He walked out to the waiting area and pulled aside the Father, and Grandmother. He said “I’m so sorry to be the one to have to tell you this. Your son Dylan didn’t make it. He passed only a few moments ago.” The Father embraced the Grandmother and as they wept together. 08172011
Just then a code blue was called and then the Doctor excused himself. He ran in and saw that the nurses were trying desperately to revive the second twin, Logan. Doctor Chandra took over and got the baby boy breathing again. The nurses all left him alone with the baby. They were too emotional about just losing Dylan. The Mother hadn’t come too yet. By the time she did, it was a few hours later. Both the Father and the Grandmother quickly made the arrangements to have Dylan put to rest at the local children’s Cemetery. The Father and Grandmother both told the Mother first that she had given birth to two baby boys and that one had already passed away. She wailed in sorrow and disbelief in her room that night. Doctor Chandra had her sedated in order to get some sleep until the next day. 08172011
Most of the hospital staff was convinced that if Logan had survived the whole night in the incubator, under around the clock supervision then perhaps his chances of survival were much greater now then they were around the time they lost Dylan. “Hey little Logan, how are you doing? Let’s check this tiny diaper and see if you went potty.” The nurse changed the soiled diaper and then wrote down on the chart the time and date, and initialed it. Mother woke up and was so tired. She thought to herself, was last night all just a bad dream? Her mother was asleep in sitting in the chair beside her. “Mom!” she shouted. Her Mother sat right up quickly and said “What honey, what’s wrong?” “I want to see my baby!” “Honey you can’t see him. Nobody can until he gets out of the critical stage.” “Then I want you to take me to him where I can see where he is. Right now!” Grandma helped her to her feet and walked her out of the room then down the long hallway. They came up to a large window with octagon shaped metal wire inside of it. “He’s there inside that incubator.” 08172011
Mother wept in her Mom’s arms at that window that day. She was so terrified for her tiny baby boy, and helpless that she couldn’t hold him tight in her arms and tell him how he was going to grow up healthy and strong and that everything is going to be okay. “Honey, the Lords works in mysterious ways. We just can’t say what the rhyme or reason is for what he does.” Her Mother just embraced her with both her arms and patted her on her head. The Father came in and said “It’s done, he’s buried.” The Mother stopped crying and looked up with him in such a way that if her eyes were daggers he would be sliced into ten thousand pieces at that very instant. 08172011
They all walked Mother back to her room and helped her get back into her bed. That’s about the time that the doctor came in to explain what he thinks happened and why. “ I was hoping to perform open heart surgery on both boys in order to correct the problem and raise the probability that the two of them would have survived through this. Unfortunately the other doctors feel that I am out of line for even suggesting it.” The Grandmother was thinking to herself how handsome the doctor was while he was speaking and that he had the most beautiful eyes on a man that she had ever seen. 08172011
“Logan stopped breathing more than a few times into the night and we were able to revive him each time. It is way too soon to tell if that would have any long term effects on him. We will need to keep him here under 24 hour surveillance for the next eight weeks. I want to monitor and document as much as we can during that time. Do any of you have any questions?” “No thank you Doctor.” The Father replied. 08172011
The Father walked out the Doctor to the hallway and shook his hand and thanked him for everything he had done for his boys. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Dylan was just way too premature and tiny to survive.” He left and went into another room to review another patient. Father went back into the room where Grandmother and him sat with the Mother until she fell asleep. The following day they released the Mother and so the Father and Grandmother took the Mother back to their tiny two bedroom apartment. 08172011
Over the next few weeks Logan was gaining weight and eating much better. His appetite kicked in and he began telling the nurses when he was hungry or when he needed a diaper change. There wasn’t a nurse or a doctor in the entire hospital who hadn’t spent time with the little guy. The amount of love that was being projected to him was immeasurable and at the same time invaluable. 08172011
Not one day went by where the Mother hadn’t gone to the hospital and begged the nurses or the doctors to hold her son. They all refused her and just assured her he was doing fine. She had gone home one evening after staying at the hospital just waiting by that large glass window hoping, praying and asking God why God why? She started to make some dinner for her and her oldest son and husband and then she spaced out. She was walking around the tiny apartment like a zombie. She hadn’t realized that the stove had caught a nearby towel on fire and the fire spread across the kitchen cabinets and counters. The apartment Manager saw the smoke coming out from the window so he busted down the door and grabbed the fire extinguisher and then quickly doused the flames with it. 08172011
“Cherrelle look at me.” The manager said to her as he held both her cheek in his hands and turned her face towards him. “Look at me! Is everything okay?” “Huh, what? Oh hi Don. Oh Damnit I forgot about dinner.” She quickly rushed over to the kitchen to see the smoldering counter tops and cabinets. “Oh God, oh no, what’s wrong with me? I think I’m losing it.” “It’s okay we have excellent fire insurance. We can move you into the vacant apartment until we get this fixed. It will be as good as new.” 08172011
That was about the time that the Husband had come home from a long day at work. He worked for the local water works in town. “Hey Don what’s going on?” “Hey Morti, it looks like Cherrelle had a bit of an accident in the kitchen tonight. We’re having all the neighbors move you guys into the vacant corner unit until we can get this repaired" He took his son Nick and headed to the other apartment. 08172011
It was really late now by the time the whole apartment was transferred from the old one to the newly remodeled one. “So should I call for take out?” “Fuck you Morti.” Cherrelle grabbed their son Nick and she went off to his bedroom. He left them and went to the local bar to get a bite to eat and have a few drinks with some buddies. By the time he returned he was so drunk he could barely stand up on his own. He managed to find his bed and pass out face down on it. 08172011
Mid February came and it was time to take Logan home. Cherrelle arrived bright and early with her Mother and they both picked him up and thanked everyone and then took him home. She was so excited to see him finally and to be about to hold him close to her in her arms. At home she made a space for Logan right beside their bed in their bedroom. Morti came home early from work to meet the little guy. Nick was so excited to finally meet his little brother. 08172011
Over the next few months Cherrelle was finding it extremely difficult to bond with Logan. He cried all night and all day and nothing she did would please him. She began to really feel defeated and wanted to just give up. One thing she really noticed about him is he never ever would look her in the eyes. He looked everywhere else but there. Her heart began to hurt with sorrow and pain. The depression that she had before he came home had tripled in only a matter of six weeks. She went into the doctors office and had them give her something to help her with the severe depression. 08172011
By June the only thing that changed between Logan and Cherrelle was that he wasn’t crying as much. She had taken him to the doctors office and had them go over him to see if there was another reason why he wouldn’t bond with her or even look her in the eyes. They didn’t have an answer, and sent her back home. 08172011
On June 21, 1966 another boy was born at the local Hospital in Hawaii. On the Summer Solstice. His Mother had already had a first child a few years earlier and her parents forced her to give him up for adoption. She was determined this time to keep this baby. He came home from the hospital only after a few days and his Mother and Father were extremely happy to welcome him. His Father was a military man and they were stationed for a short time there in Hawaii. 08172011
The Father named him Mika. Mika was a very active little guy. He was always playing rough with his toys and extremely aggressive as well as athletic. His parents were transferred to California and that’s when things between them had gone down hill. They had another son named Trip, and the Father and Mother couldn’t stop violently fighting every night with each other. They decided to get a divorce. He died a few months after the divorce was final of a rare lymphatic Cancer. So Mika was living in a home with his Mother, baby brother and with out a Father. 08172011
Over time Morti and Cherrelle were finding themselves fighting too. They had another Son, and named him Chad and Morti had begged her not to have him but to have an abortion. She was going to go through with it right up until that very moment where she was asked to sign the form and then she threw that pen down and ran out crying. Their marriage was dissolving over sexual abuse, alcoholism, and violence. 08172011
Logan was having problems, he still wouldn’t look at anyone in the eyes. He would scream at the top of his lungs if anyone just touched him. He would say words over and over and over again, like the fish in the fish tank “fishy…..fishy…..fishy….” and point at them. When he walked he would walk on the very tips of his toes and he was constantly falling and hurting himself. 08172011
Over the next few years both women managed to find new husbands and then each of them got pregnant with girls to add to the family. Mika’s Mother’s name was Betty. Betty moved with her husband to a small Northern California town eventually. That’s about the time that Cherrelle and her new husband moved and they both bought homes in the same neighborhood. Both boys didn’t take to the new additions to their families very well. There was a tremendous amount of resistance. Just as soon as the men realized the boys didn’t like them well then it was a field day for them to make their lives miserable. 08172011
Jack was Charrelles new husbands name. Art was Betty’s. Although the two women had a lot in common and they lived in the same neighborhood neither one of them was drawn to the other to be friends. Betty ended up divorcing this husband while Cherrelles stuck it out and wanted to make her marriage work. 08172011
Logan went to therapy and special education to try and pull him out of this imaginary shell he kept himself hidden inside of. It was no time before the psychiatrists and psychologists determined that Logan was Autistic. Cherrelle had no idea what this meant. Jack was oblivious to it. All he knew was there was something wrong and that in itself annoyed him. He had no tolerance for Logan. The constant nagging and prodding really made Logan detest him even more then he already had. Morti wasn’t involved with the family anymore. He never ever cared to call or come see the boys. 08172011
On a daily basis the therapists would work with Logan to get him to look at them in the eyes when he talked to them. They would say to him “You know Logan, it’s really not polite to talk to someone but never really look at them in the eyes. You do know what that means don’t you? Let’s practice you look me in the eyes and I will look you in the eyes when we talk to each other, okay?” So as they practiced with him he would start laughing and then by the love and affection that they showed him, he really started to open up. 08172011
Jack wasn’t nice to any of the boys. The only child that he was sweet and nice to was his daughter Helen. Cherrelle noticed this so she would on purpose be rude to his first born son from a previous marriage each and every time he visited. Eventually it became way too much for his son so he stopped coming over or even calling his Dad. Logan never considered Jack his step Father. He resented the way he and his brothers were treated by him when ever his Mother wasn’t around. If he was yelling at Logan, then Logan would turn around and just walk out of the room and head straight to his bedroom. This used to infuriate Jack, so he would hit Logan in the back of the head or literally kick Logan in his ass and cause him to fall to the floor. One time Jack spun Logan around and just stepped on the top of his feet so he couldn’t get away while he hit him in the face and the upper body. Logan would get lost in the vision he remembered seeing on television where the children were hitting this big stuffed clown that would fall to the floor and then bounce right back up for another hit. 08172011
If songs came on the radio, Logan really couldn’t memorize all the words to the songs but he would shout the chorus. He carried a tune well on the short chorus even if he didn’t really know the whole song. The one song he memorized the words to was Hit the road Jack. He would turn his radio up almost all the way and sing the song as loud as he could up until Jack would come in turn it on low then scream at him. 08172011
Mika was having problems of his own. He was fine one moment and the next having a complete melt down then thrashing out in anger at his Mother. Things seemed like everything was going perfect. The family was sitting down at the table and eating dinner together then someone would say something and it would get taken the wrong way and in seconds the screaming and yelling would turn into throwing plates, or pots and pans at each other. The older Mika got the more things he would break like the kitchen table, he could turn into tooth picks scattered all over the kitchen. 08172011
Logan and Mika were finally ten years old at the same time during the year one Summer. Logan would always play a game called team tag out in the neighborhood with all the other kids. They would break up into two groups. Then one team would hide while the other searched to find the very last one, anywhere in the neighborhood. There was a home base like a street lamp or front door to a house or a garage door that would have to be touched in order to be free and not be deemed out. Then when the last one was found or free, the other team would hide while that one searched for them. Many nights the kids would play before and right up to the time when the parents set a curfew which some times was 8:30 PM and on an unusual night 9. 08182011
It was one particular day where the kids were all playing outside with one another. When Mika and Logan finally met. Mika was riding around on his bike and Logan was in the middle of a dodge ball game out front of his house. Mika rode his bike right up beside Logan and said “Hey.” Logan looked at Mika and then replied “Hey.” “What are you playing?” “Dodge Ball.” “You need anymore players?” “Nope we have enough already.” “That’s bullshit what ever, fuck that.” Mika rode off and Logan shouted “Your Mom should wash that mouth out with soap!” 08182011
Nearly once a day now, Logan would see Mika. He would ride up on his bike and ask if they needed another player. It was a repeat of the day before. Up until one day when a kid couldn’t make it outside to play because he was diagnosed with diabetes, and everyone in the neighborhood was talking about him and he was never ever seen outside again. “You need another player?” “Yeah sure, you can join in.” Mika and Logan from then on spent just about every day together. 08182011
Mika was one grade behind Logan. When Logan was in Junior High School times were a little difficult for him because there were a few bullies who would wait for him on the freeway overpass crosswalk and when they would see him they would always push him, and call him names. Logan would get so upset and scared of the confrontation that every day after school he would just run as fast as he could across the catwalk and then run just about thirteen blocks to home. 08182011
Logan hated dinner time at his house. That was the time where Jack felt it was appropriate to nag, and badger or belittle Logan unrelentlessly to the point where Logan would get so sick to his stomach and couldn’t barely touch his food. He would have to eat saltine crackers or an orange usually to sooth it.
Mika’s family always had dinner exactly at the same time every day. His Mom Betty was the kind of woman who lived by the clock. Her day was scheduled out perfectly, and each day the chores were done like clock work. Logan would come over to visit and she would yell at him “Don’t sit on the furniture I just cleaned!” Instead of using the couch or recliner, Logan would sit on the coffee table. 081812011
Logan would escape the browbeating sessions to have dinner with Betty and her family so he could be near his new best friend. When it was in the evenings, and everyone was settling down to watch their favorite television shows, the boys would go into Mika’s room where he would turn on a very small black and white television, and watch old movies together. It would get late and Logan knew he should go home but Mika would beg him to stay until he fell asleep. Logan would lay down on the floor beside the bed and sometimes fall asleep there too. 08182011
The boys would invite each other on family camping trips for the weekend or to family outings to be with other family members that they visited out of town. Mika had a great uncle and aunt who lived in a small house on a hillside. There was a pool and a nice deck surrounding the pool and the boys would go there often to swim, and play. 08182011
Things weren’t perfect between Mika and Logan. They had their arguments and disagreements but no matter what they always managed to forgive and then forget. The two were becoming more like brothers than best friends. Mika was still very athletic. Logan liked to play outdoor games but when it came to games like baseball or basketball he was all thumbs. He only would make baskets from long throws, and as far as hitting the baseball with the bat? Forget about it. He would strike out every time. He couldn’t throw and he could barely catch. So instead of playing the games when all the other boys would play he would just sit and watch. 08182011
Mika wasn’t making many new friends and he was not getting good grades in High School at all. The tension grew at home between Betty and Mika. Logan would find himself right there in the middle of the disputes trying to help resolve the problems. When Logan was at home, Cherrelle would go out to the local bars to have drinks and meet her friends. Jack would search every bar in town for her then drag her home where they would fight and argue up until three or four am. The arguing kept Logan awake at nights so when he went to school he would fall asleep at his desk in class and then he would receive a detention duties for it. 08182011
Back at Logan’s house the boys would learn that if they just ate dinner as fast as they could and were able to be excused then that would reduce the verbal torture that they had to endure from Jack each and every night. Logan for the life of him never ever could figure out what his Mother saw in him. Or even why she never realized how mentally abusive he was right before her vary eyes. 08182011
Logan used Mika’s household as his escape from all the problems he was faced with at home. Every now and then he would fall asleep on the floor beside Mika’s bed and then wake up in the morning realizing he hadn’t gone home all night. He would run four houses down the street and come in through the front door and that’s when his Mother Cherrelle would slap him right across the face with anger and worry. “Where have you been all night long?” “I fell asleep at Mika’s.” “Well you’re on restriction for two weeks.” 08182011
As much of a torture as it was that Logan had to stay in after school for the next two weeks it really didn’t bother him much when he got to spend that quality time with his little sister. He liked to play with her little people, and her toys and make believe or play pretend. In no time the two weeks passed and he was right back at his friends Mika’s house as usual. 08182011
The way things turned out is Mika ended up not graduating from High School. He went to the local continuation school but he didn’t fit in there either and so he dropped out. His Mother and he were fighting so much and at each other’s throats that he moved out of her house and into her cousins house North of them. Logan did graduate from High School just by the hair of his chinny chin chin though. It was lots of night classes that helped him make up lost credits. 08182011
Logan attended Junior College for a while but he only focused on art. His attempt to take Algebra or Intro to Algebra failed him with either a failing grade or a D. He went right to work for a temp agency where they placed him in many high sought after jobs, and when his assignments ended he would simply go onto the next one. The only problems he had was driving delivery truck for one company where his Autism and Anxiety would get the best of him. He left that job in a hurry and went on to other assignments. 08182011
Logan managed to work for Hewlett Packard for a little over ten months. He really fit in well in the production line of manufacturing Semi Rigid Cables. He tried to get on full time but the girl who he worked with from the temp agency had both her Mom and Dad and Brother working there so she beat him out on the job bid. He was however referred to a smaller branch company that started in the home of an Engineers garage and then grew into a pretty good business. He worked there and was attending church regularly. He ran into a woman who he went to catechism with when he was little. They were both Sunday school teachers at the time. They began dating. 08182011
Mika was on his own path and would call Logan every now and then. They spoke on the phone now more than they saw each other. Their bond and love for one another wasn’t like anything or anyone else’s anywhere. They were like brothers, but even more than that. Not a day went by when the two of them weren’t thinking about each other. They would often get deep feelings inside if something was wrong and call right away to find out what it was. 08182011
Mika met a woman in his Gym that he fell madly in love with. He was going to College after he got his GED, and that was the stipulation for him to live in the million dollar mansion estate with his Mother’s cousin and her VP Stock broker of Meryl Lynch in San Francisco, CA husband. The cousins had the first three floors and they had converted the full basement into a two bedroom two bathroom luxury apartment for Mika to live in. He also was required to be the estate caretaker in exchange for rent as well as help his cousin when she needed to go on errands. She had narcolepsy and couldn’t drive. A retired College professor. They were very close. 08182011
Mika proposed to his girlfriend and they were married. He didn’t ask Logan to be his best man and also where they had the wedding the reception was only reserved for family no friends. This really upset Logan because he felt like he was family and couldn’t understand how he wasn’t asked to be his best man. Logan showed up at the wedding after the reception and congratulated the Bride and Groom left the gift and went home. He was heartbroken. He never ever told Mika how he really felt about things that day. 08182011
Logan did get married to the girl who he was a Sunday school teacher with. He also asked Mika to be his best man. The wedding was a fast one because the two were living together in a condo and the Pastor came over and suggested that it happen quickly so that his Sunday school teachers weren’t living in sin. In two weeks time of planning the wedding happened and the Church was packed. 08182011
See between the ages of 16 and 20 the boys dabbled in all sorts of misconducts. They were experimenting with pot, alcohol and drugs. At the time that Logan got married he was breaking away from that and moving on. Through the church and prayer is how he managed to do it. He never spoke about it with anyone he simply made a conscious decision to stop and then he did. Mika on the other hand continued a little bit longer until his new bride made him aware that there was a problem and she convinced him into going to AA. He attended AA for the next ten years clean and sober. Logan was still drinking, and he never judged Mika either way for his decision. Mika never judged Logan and didn’t complain when Logan would drink in front of him. 08182011
They would go on camping trips together up North to fish and camp and hike and bond. Logan would pack his bottle of Gin and really save the drinking for the night times. This one time the boys went to a full rushing creek that had fast flowing clear water in it. It sort of looked more like a river than a creek. The forestry would stock the creek with fresh trout and the fishing limits were three per day. One evening Logan was feeling like he needed to clean up. There were only out houses there at the campground but no clean bathrooms with proper toilets or showers. So Logan got out his eco friendly soap and then stripped off all his clothes one night and then ran over to the freezing cold creek and then washed his body with a sponge. Mika was laughing and just sipping his hot cocoa waiting with anticipation to see what Logan would do next. Logan soaped up his hair and then as he stood up and then bent over to rinse the soap from his hair Mika screamed “Logan NO!” The water was so freezing cold that it literally shocked Logan and he fell over to his side. His head was rinsed clean but he had fallen completely into the creek and Mika ran over to help him up and out. He gave him a towel and helped him to the fire. They laughed all night long about what happened that night and that was the night that Mika gave Logan his native American Indian name called two moons over river. “Because that’s all I saw was your two moons looking at me!” Mika said to Logan as he hugged him to keep him warm by the fire. 08182011
Mika was having problems and went to the doctor and that’s when he was diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar disorders. They suggested that he take a daily medicine, for the rest of his life but he didn’t trust them so he broke his sobriety and began to self medicate himself with either alcohol or pot. He had a friend that he met at his Native American Indian sweat lodge group who always used to provide him with these grand hallucinogenic drugs. He would take them before or during or after he would go on his four day vision quests. What they required him to do is hike up a sacred hill, then sit in a tiny hut with water and very little food and just wait until he had a vision. Then when the time was up he would hike down and they would hold a ceremony and then have a feist. The sweat lodge became the church for Mika. He would prep the lodge with the blanket and stones and he would work as the person who would set the stones, get them hot and pour the water on them every weekend. This commitment distracted Mika’s attention from Logan. 08182011
Logan was at first right off the bat trying to start a family with his bride. They tried on their own for about three years before they decided to get help and do a fertility route. Once they both were checked out, doctors told Logan that his sperm mobility was a little slow and this might be why it was difficult for them to conceive. They went on fertility drugs and schedules for one year and still nothing. The two of them were so very frustrated that Logan just washed his hands of the whole idea and then gave up. A friend of his wife’s had told her about how her and her husband were having the exact same issue. She said that the way they finally did get pregnant naturally was when someone suggested to her that she take an over the counter cold and cough suppressant. “This would cause your vaginal mucus to thin out and the sperm can easily swim through it. “ She took the friends advise and then in no time she became pregnant. 08182011
Logan took very good care of his wife during her pregnancy term. He did everything he could to keep her happy and comfortable. The Baby came in April on time and she was a beautiful chubby faced girl with slanted eyes. He called her China. They took her home from the hospital and then in a few months had her baptized. They were living at the time on 14 acres in a mobile home that was owned by the Humane Society. The organization needed to reduce costs so the put the property up for sale and that’s when they had to move. Logan’s wife found a little condo with two bedrooms and one bath that they could afford, so they moved in there. 08182011
The problem living at the condo was the vacant lot was being prepped for construction and this caused all the rodents to leave there and infest their condo. Three to four mice were caught a day. They would gnaw through boxes that were stored in the closets and then make homes out of them to have their babies. The closets began to smell like urine. Not only that but there were gunshots off behind the alleyway just on the other side of their small backyard fence. One day Logan’s aunt who was a Real estate agent was visiting them, so they told her all about what was going on in the condo. She said “I am going to do my best to get you kids out of here!” 08182011
The next year was spent looking for houses to buy that Logan and his family could afford. His aunt was showing them so many houses but he and his wife couldn’t ever agree on the same one. This really took a toll on his aunt but she never ever complained or gave up on them. Finally Logan and his wife agreed on buying a small three bedroom two bathroom home in a very quaint family orientated neighborhood. They put in the offer and were excepted right away. 08182011
Mika came to help Logan with the move into their new house. Once in, Logan gave Mika a key to the house and said “You are welcome in my home anytime, no matter what.” The four of them always hung out and did everything together. Especially around the holidays. Logan’s wasn’t feeling well and suffered from chronic abdominal pains so he went to the doctors and then underwent all sorts of tests. They diagnosed him with IBS, and suggested to him that he change his diet. 08182011
This one day Mika came to visit Logan and they were hanging out in the living room of the house. Mika was standing on the fireplace bricks right beside the wall looking at himself in the mirror. Logan was sitting on the floor beside Mika. A thought crossed Logan’s mind to pants Mika while he was standing there with his rear end in his face so with out really thinking about it, Logan grabbed Mika’s shorts and yanked them down. There Mika was standing bare ass naked in front of Logan. He whipped around and began yelling at Logan. Mika’s wiener was dangling around right in Logan’s face and then Mika quickly pulled up this shorts and still was yelling at him. Logan laughed so hard that afternoon. He went into the kitchen and laughed the whole time while he prepared them both lunch. 08182011
Logan's job at the production company was causing a tremendous amount of stress and pressure. He would have high anxieties often. The only way that he found to relieve his pressure and anxieties was to nude sun bathe in his back yard while drinking a six pack of beer after work. Mika would come over when he didn’t have classes and he would nude sun bathe with Logan in the back yard too. 08182011
Logan got the word that his aunt was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and so he would prepare dinner in a box for her and his Grandmother who lived with her and take it up to them every weekend. Logan loved to cook and entertain. He became a great cook and would prepare meals that were fit for royalty for his family and friends. After his aunt passed, he was so saddened and felt such deep sorrow for many months. She had done so much for him and his family. 08182011
One day he was making clam chowder for his friends at work and there was a dog that he had agreed to dog sit for his brother’s friend for two weeks there at the house. He pulled out some old ham from the fridge and set it down on the floor and walked out of the kitchen. His little daughter had walked into the kitchen and tried to pet the dog while he was eating. Logan heard this bark and ferocious growl and then heard China screaming and crying. He ran back into the kitchen and she was standing there crying and bleeding. Logan and his wife rushed to the hospital and admitted her into emergency. She had to have 14 stitched in three different areas of her face. Her lower lip her upper lip and a huge gash on her cheek. 08182011
Logan went home and took the dog to the pound where he was put into two week quarantine and after that to sleep. Logan came home and just wailed to himself standing at the counters of his kitchen with his head buried in his arms. He felt like a terrible parent and that it was all his fault. This was one time of many where he sincerely wished that he had the power to turn back time and correct the devastating mistake. He often told his little China if that scar is ever a problem for you I will pay for plastic surgery. She always reassured her Daddy that it wasn’t a big deal and she never really paid much attention to it. 08182011
Logan began to have these chest pains at work and sometimes at home. When he went into the doctors and told them what it was they would just say it’s anxiety and stress, and send him home. One day while at work he began to see white spots. His vision became blurred. Then he was all of the sudden dizzy. The sweat glands kicked in and so he began to sweat profusely. He walked into the Manager’s office and said “I think something is wrong it feels like I am having a heart attack. 08182011
Time after time after time Logan would feel as though he was having these heart attacks. This one particular time he called his wife from work and had asked her to come pick him up and take him into the doctors. She said to him “I haven’t had my lunch yet.” Then she hung up the phone. He was forced to drive himself to the doctors office. They ran more tests and nothing came up conclusive. A doctor had mentioned to him that perhaps he was experiencing Pleurisy. 08182011
Logan decided to look for another job. One less stressful. He found one in his home town where he grew up and so he started that job and all his stress was gone. This one morning Logan was in the shower and he sneezed and then he felt the huge chest pain come back. He was taken to the hospital where they ran tests and again everything came up negative. The doctor came in and explained to him that the inner lining of his lungs were coated with mucus. This mucus was weighing heavily on the inner lining wall of the lungs. The sneeze jarred the mucus to pull the lining away from the lung and that was what was causing him all the pain. 08182011
They put him on anti-inflammatories and pain killers and then sent him home. Just about every October his bout of pleurisy would hit and he would have to go into the doctors office for more medications. He was also diagnosed with asthma. He would have an asthma attack around two times a year. The doctors put him on inhalers. His allergies were always a problem from the day he was born and he never really took any medication for them up until now. 08182011
Once he was diagnosed with Asthma he recalled a time when he and Mika were teenagers and in a car filled with friends smoking and Mika had a sever asthma attack and stopped breathing then he turned blue. Logan didn’t know what to do so he slugged Mika in the chest as hard as he could in the seat next to him and Mika began breathing again. 08182011
Mika and Logan both decided to take another camping trip to a spot where Mika had frequently gone that was quit a drive away. He kept telling Logan about how much he thought he would like it. By the time they arrived there is was late afternoon. They parked the truck and unloaded the gear and hiked up this steep mountainside until they came to this gigantic waterfall. It was right under the open sky, and then tall redwoods surrounding that. They set up camp together, and had a nice dinner too. By the time it was time to go to sleep, Logan became obsessed with the idea of a Bear needing to eat and drink from the waterfall. He laid in his sleeping bag out in the open right beside Mika scared to death of the possibility of being eaten by a wild Bear. He didn’t get any sleep that night. Mika had rested his arm and leg over him while he slept but that still didn’t comfort Logan enough. Come morning Mika asked Logan if he loved him unconditionally? Logan answered “Yes I do.” 08182011
They packed up and left the campground and headed home. Mika didn’t shower or really get dressed. He was driving his truck wearing a wife beater t-shirt and some long johns. He pulled into a gas station to fill up with gas and go into the mini mart to buy us some drinks and something to eat. Logan began to sink in his seat as Mika just walked into the store like that. He handed the foods and drinks to Logan and then began pumping the gas. Everyone in the gas station was looking at Mika and talking about what he was wearing. When he finished pumping gas, he got back into the truck and drove away. “Didn’t that embarrass you?” “Didn’t what embarrass me?” “You know the way that you are dressed and how you went into the store looking like that.” “Hey I don’t give a shit what people think.” he said. 08182011
When Logan returned back to work he decided to enroll into College in order to better their financial situation. The college where he attended was pretty close to the Mansion where Mika lived. Logan would pack up for the night and then attend class and spend the nights with Mika. Mika and his wife were divorced by then and Logan knew that Mika needed him around at that time to help him through the heart ache. 08182011
Every now and then to escape the monotony of his own life Logan would pack up and leave his family, and job and home to spend the weekend at Mika’s. He would help Mika with his maintenance business, as well as cook for him and his cousins in the house. Mika gave Logan the guest room in the house, but most of the time Logan and Mika would sleep in the same bed together. 08182011
There never was any sexual relations going on between the two men. They just shared the bed together and that was all. Logan’s wife thought more was going on then just friends so she went to the attorney and filed for a divorce. Logan was shocked but he realized it wasn’t working between them anymore. He decided to stay in the house while she and his daughter moved out. They shared joint custody 50/50 % of the time between the both of them. He got room mates in the house in order to afford the mortgage and property taxes. 08182011
His roommates were way younger than him. He was in his late 30’s now and they were 22 or 23 years old. They would go out to the bars after a long days work and then when the bars closed they would invite everyone to party back at the house. This became a huge problem for Logan and he would get insomnia. He went to the doctors and they put him on Trazadone. He started taking a massage class to get certified and hopefully change his profession. 08182011
Once he graduated Massage school and he became certified he would go visit Mika who was also trying to become certified and they would exchange massage with each other. Mika was good at massage but he wouldn’t really go for the full 90 minutes. Logan would massage Mika and then go the full 90 minutes with a full body massage. One time when Logan was just about finishing up with the massage Mika said to Logan under the sheets while he sat up “I got a chubby.” Logan looked at Mika with a strange look on his face and then Mika said “It’s not for you. You don’t have the right equipment for me.” 08182011
Logan began to realize that he was having feelings for men. He wasn’t sure how to deal with it because it wasn’t something he ever had to deal with before in the past. Back in Junior High School he was beginning to become sexual and so he thought perhaps he’s interested in the same sex. He and a few guys back then explored each other and then Logan realized that it wasn’t for him. 08182011
The room mates and Logan weren’t working out. He had a nervous breakdown and then decided to sell the house so everyone moved out and left him there to pack things up and paint. After he painted he just sat on the floor crying about how his life had turned out and what was he going to do now? This was something extremely serious to Logan. He really was finding men attractive and not knowing what to do about it or even how to handle it. He had posted an ad in the paper to have some massage clients come over for massage in order to make some money. A guy responded and came over and they talked for a while in the kitchen. “Are you moving? You look like you are moving.” “Yes, I’m going through a divorce and now I have to sell the house.” “I don’t really have the money to pay you for the massage. I was hoping that we could barter, you know exchange for it.” “Oh yeah sure like what? What do you do?” “I’m a pilot.” Logan agreed to exchange plane hours for massage hours with his new friend so he gave him the 90 minute massage. 08182011
Once the massage was finished Logan offered his shower to the friend. He said “Yes.” After the shower the friend sat on the floor beside Logan and then he put his arm around his shoulders and then he said “Thank you.” He leaned into Logan and began kissing him romantically. Logan was feeling all sorts of tingling inside and didn’t know what to do with it. He just kissed back with hot wet passionate kisses. They both began to explore each others bodies with their hands. 08182011
The friend took off Logan’s shirt and then lowered his shorts. He was continuing to kiss and lick him all over his body. This sent Logan into an erotic internal frenzy. He just froze up and let him take over. When he was finished it was one of the best sexual experiences that Logan had ever had. They both showered again together and then got dressed and Logan walked his new friend outside and said goodbye. The friend would come once a week for a massage and they were becoming very sexually active. He would ask Logan if he could top him and Logan would say “I’m not ready yet.” One day Logan had made up his mind that he was ready so then they did. Logan allowed his friend to bottom for him, he really enjoyed it. Later on the friend continued to ask if he could top Logan and he would say I’m not ready yet. The friend would always say “I understand.” They lost touch with each other after Logan sold the house and took what little money he made from it and he bought a trailer to put on his brother’s property to live there. 08182011
Mika and Logan were hanging out at Mika’s house and he was really dying to ask Logan something. “You are acting odd, what’s wrong with you?” Mika didn’t know how to ask but he just did anyway. “Hey Logan are you gay?” “What? Why would you ask me a question like that?” “Well, because if you are it’s okay. I don’t judge you. I love you no matter what. If you are it doesn’t change anything between us.” “No I don’t think I am.” He said to Mika. 08182011
Later Mika asked Logan if he wanted to move in with him in his house. Logan thought about it and then he told Mika “No I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Mika also tried over time to convince Logan to work with him at his maintenance business. Logan said “I love working with you every now and then but I don’t think it would be good for our relationship.” 08182011
Logan got a different job working out at a winery along the coast. He loved working there. They offered discounts on wine, champagne and brandy as well as had him hosting wedding parties, and serving exotic foods. He learned to be a good waiter and host there. He was cleaning offices, houses, and bathrooms for a living there. He put a clowns horn on his golf cart and he would honk it around every corner before turning and people working at the winery or visiting would laugh. 08182011
He managed to save money and then one of his regular massage clients had an apartment for rent out in a little resort town that also had a hot tub and a massage studio. Everything was $650.00 per month. He set up the massage studio, and moved into the apartment and then had his daughter there every other weekend.
Logan had purchased four kayaks while he was married but they never used them. It wasn’t until after the divorce when he really started taking friends out on the river for fun. 08182011
In no time Logan found work part time at a local spa. He had been saving his money to get into the apartment. The only problem was that the owner of the spa was taking the money from the massage clients and not paying Logan. He had to quit working there and file in small claims court against the spa. He won but the judge only awarded him half of what the spa owed him. 08182011
Business was sparse in his own massage studio. Logan wanted to increase his income so he took on a part time job at another coastal spa. This one he worked as a massage therapist as well as being their chief server for all wedding parties and special events. He enjoyed working there with the people. He noticed right away that the owner’s wife seemed a little off but he ignored that and just said yes to every event offer. 08182011
He was working at the winery, working at the spa part time. He was also hosting parties at his house for afternoon BBQ’s and then a kayak trip after on the river. Logan began to have a small entourage that went with him everywhere he was. He loved to go into town three or four times a week and sing karaoke. That was something he did to burn off energy and it made him very happy. 08182011
Logan finally came clean with Mika and he told him he thought he might be bisexual. After time though Logan knew in his heart he wasn’t bisexual at all and that he was gay. Mika didn’t seem to care at all. He just wanted his best friend with him all the time. 08182011
One year there was a worry about a major flood coming and so Logan packed up all his stuff, put it up high out of the way and then he got out of town and went to visit Mika. What he didn’t know was that the small town around where Mika had lived also was flooding. The Mansion was up in the hills so they were unaffected by the flooding. It wasn’t until they needed to go into town that it seemed virtually impossible to get anywhere through the heavy flooding. 08182011
Mika had met another gal and got her pregnant and then he moved her into his house. Logan was excited to hear about Mika becoming a daddy. He would go visit them all the time. The only problem was that they would fight constantly. So Mika moved out of that house and took the cottage above the garages. I would go visit both of them and make them dinner together with him. Then when the baby came things got worse for them. He was obsessed with her and he was always trying to sneak into her room for sex at all hours of the night. She would kick him out and then he would destroy her car by crashing bricks through her windshields or kicking in the doors. 08182011
She would call the police on him and then have him arrested. They would force him to take anger management courses, while on probation. Logan would still come to visit but things never got any better between the two. He would make them dinner and play with the little son they had. She would take her son and go home while Logan would stay and visit Mika. Mika wasn’t ever just satisfied with what he had at the time he had it. Logan saw this and would get so irritated. Both Mika’s girlfriend and Logan had no idea what Mika was up to. He was getting drugs from his friend and then he would try to drug either Logan or his girlfriend with out them knowing by putting it in their wine. 08182011
Finally one night Mika took too many pills and wanted to take a bath with his son. He was falling asleep in the bathtub with his son. Lucas woke him up and told the Mother about it. She came and picked up the son and then Mika freaked out. He thrashed his apartment furniture and then went outside and thrashed things out in the garage, as well as his girlfriends car. The police came again and arrested him. This time he remained in jail for nearly a year. His good friend Paul babysat his son for him as well as handled his clients for the maintenance business. 08182011
Logan didn’t know what to do about Mika. He refused to go visit him in jail because he knew his behavior was not okay. He also was upset about the fact that he was trying to drug him. The way he found out was when Logan and Mika's ex girlfriend sat down together over dinner and wine and then put two and two together. Logan was feeling like Mika had been regressing back to his teenage years. 08182011
Mika was bailed out but couldn’t return to the mansion. His family thought he was an irresponsible parent. They wanted to fight to take his son away from him completely. He moved in with his friend Paul. Logan would visit Paul to see Mika’s son every now and then while Mika was in jail. Mika got out and assumed responsibility for his son. He got his own apartment in the same building as Paul. They both worked together as a team, with the business and Mika’s son. 08182011
Mika would always ask Logan if he had a boyfriend yet. Logan would say no. Mika constantly would tell Logan about his new girlfriend. Logan never met her. Paul and Logan would fool around a little bit every now and then and that would make Mika jealous. Mika and Logan were becoming distant. Mika would see Logan and say things like “you don’t love me anymore.” Logan would reply “You’re right I don’t.”08182011
Logan lost his apartment and moved back into his trailer on his brothers property. His brother had purchased another home so Lucas moved into his old home after his brothers moved into the new one. He never really saw Mika much then. He had heard through an ex girlfriend of Mika's what was going on with him now. He had jumped off a ten foot wall in vans and broke both his feet. The problem that Logan was having with Mika was that he knew he was mentally ill and that there was medication to prevent or reduce his symptoms but he refused to get the help he needed. Rather he would self medicate and then freak out from the side effects of the drugs. Logan knew that allthough there were drugs for ADHA & BiPolar there wasn't anything anyone could take for Autism. 08182011
Logan didn’t feel sorry for Mika. He also didn’t want to see him. He knew it would only make him madder if he witnessed Mika crawling around on the floor like a toddler. Logan decided it was time to end the friendship. Every time Mika called Logan he would not answer the phone and he would erase the messages.
One evening Paul called Logan and told him all about what happened between him and Mika. See Mika was getting help from Paul again. Paul was taking care of his clients and keeping the business going. He was helping Mika clean and keep his son fed. He was babysitting for Mika when Mika was in too much pain to watch his son. Paul told me that Mika one night got mad at his son and then he tried to smother him with a pillow. This really alarmed Logan so he wrote an e-mail to Mika’s son’s mom. She read the e-mail and then called Mika about it right away. Mika was furious with Logan. He still tried to call him but Logan refused to take his calls. Mika got evicted from his apartment in Paul’s building for being so violent and belligerent. His energy was disrupting the whole harmonic flow of the tenants in the building. 08182011
Mika took all of the things he had borrowed from Paul and threw them in front of his apartment door. When Paul went to ask Mika why he did this Mika got mad at Paul and he literally kicked Paul out if his apartment and violently shoved him into the wall and told him “You stay the hell away from me and my son you fucking homosexual queer!” Once Logan heard this it was as if Mika had done it to him. Those actions and words cut Logan straight through to the very core of his heart. 08182011
Logan made up his mind right then and there that regardless how close he and Mika were it didn’t matter. All the trustworthy things they had done together in all those past 35 years of friendship and brotherhood was destroyed in that very moment. Logan knew there was no going back. He was angry and bitter but at the same time just crushed. 08182011
Mika’s ex girlfriend read the e-mail to him over the phone and Mika called Logan again and again and again but he never got though to Logan. Mika left more voice mails but they were never listened to by Logan. He simply erased them with out listening to them. You see, Logan had realized that after Mika had done what he had done. Logan could never ever trust his own life with Mika. He knew that some sacred and hallowed grounds had been crossed. Things could never ever be the same. 08182011
Mika tried to move in with his brother Trip but they fought too much and Trip got fed up and kicked Mika out. Mika was living for a short time with some new friends, and that turned out to be short lived too. The one and only person who would consider taking him back was Paul. So now he is right back to living with Paul in a tiny one bedroom flat, and with out independence or self respect. 08182011
Not a day goes by where these two men do not think about one another. Most of the dreams that they have are about their history together, or they simply visit each other in them and tell one another how they are doing. Other than that, nothing more. The sum of conditional love.08182011
The End
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